from the book tt xin, gc, neo and shaun got for me for my birthday...

"There is one longing - almost as deep, as imperious as the desire for food or sleep. It is what Freud calls desire to be great. It is what Dewey calls the desire to be important."

from shaun's blog...

"chin up! back straight! live strong!!"

what's done is done...

badmintonnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

yes i'll be playing badminton for PE for 4 weeks!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA YES YES YES!!! damn long never play badminton liaoz sia. today played for like an hour, seemed like so much less. miss the feeling of holding the racket and swinging it real hard at a sad little piece of cork with feathers stuck to it. but who cares!!! i felt good finally playing it again!!! hahaha i guess i still prefer badminton to volleyball. afterall i have been playing it since i was in primary school :p but i really pity the shuttlecock lah... at the receiving end of all my stress, coz i really swung today when i had the chance to hahaha oh yes speaking of swing... the school rackets really sucks lah. i mean the grip is like so... gripless!!! derek and vig both sent the racket flying out of their hands when they swung too hard and the rackets just flew out of their hands!!! useless crap sia. probably got it at some 1.99 shop, where the stuff there all fails QC hahaha oh well... badmintonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

what's done is done...

history repeats itself...

and i hate this bloody feeling. why must it be me twice... both have the same damn surname and both come from the same damn school!!! WTF?!?!!? ok maybe tt's just pure coincidence, but i've got more to bitch about this time around. hmmm... about the bitching... i never ever gossiped or bitched in my entire sji life, and here i am, going on and on since i entered cj. it's just not the bloody same anymore lah. everything in my life has changed. and i mean everything. if someone out there can find me something that hasn't changed in my life over the past 1.5 years please tell me... and i don't mean things like my address and phone number please.

i've still yet to find my outlet. everytime i see you i feel angry yet again. but somehow i can't bring myself to be angry at you for extended periods of time. but... my blood just boils when i see you and think. maybe this is all just a misunderstanding... but i really feel like smashing something. as in hold it in my left hand, clench my right fist damn hard, and smash the hell out of it. that's what i really feel like doing now. and pillows won't work, coz they're too damn soft. still don't know what to do, still don't know what you're thinking, still don't know when this is going to end.

i'm so tired... of everything. well at least the ONE good thing i can take out of these past few days is that the F1 season this time around should be quite interesting. red or blue? i'm feeling both red and blue...

what's done is done...

one step too far...

had 4x100 heats at sji today. i guess i ran ok... but then again i have never run a competitive race like this before so... oh well. when i passed the baton to shawn, i stuck my right foot too far forward, and i caught shawn's. that sent him flying. now he's got skin torn off in a not so nice position, and it's bound to hurt like hell. in the end clocked a time of 54.95. actually it's not bad considering shawn fell down. but i can't help but think that we could've clocked 51s, maybe even 50 if shawn hadn't fallen down. sorry guys :(

what's done is done...

suddenly i realise, that all i ever wanted to do was to just sit beside you and fall asleep as i watched you sleep...

what's done is done...

you and i ;
we've been thru this much.
officially, there is nothing.
but emotionally,
there is enough to scar for life.
funny,
to the world, we are strangers.
we walk by without a second glance.
but you know there was much more
than that.


- cheryl lee
2005

what's done is done...

shit... crap... male bovine excrement!!!

haiz i'm so damn pissed with myself. now i gotta do the whole thing ALL BLOODY OVER AGAIN!!! ARGH!!! *smash the guitar* SMASH SMASH SMASH!!!! i need an outlet... a bit one... hit and bug people too much already lah... i need a less hostile outlet hahaha

fernandez actually made some sense today when she asked us "have you ever had a week where absolutely nothing went right?" and the whole class went "yeeesssssssssssssss" hahaha we all actually agreed with her! tt's a miracle!!! maybe she should ask these rhetorical questions more often hahaha

tired sia. prata for breakfast with the "holland road gang" tomorrow. hmmmm tt's an interesting name hahaha we just happen to live around 6 avenue :p

what's done is done...

life's just peachy...

hmmm haven't blogged for ages. getting kinda dusty in here. right now i feel... it's not really sian, it's kinda tired, but it's also kinda awake in a way coz i just woke up from my "nap" on the couch. it's been a rollercoaster lah. up down down down up down down down. not so much ups lah. i'm still kinda sick. nose is still clogged with yellow shit that requires me to do constant blowing. and that sucks coz when i'm playing... can't really breathe through my nose properly. and that sucks.

monday is approaching. vball season for girls isn't going as well as expected either. guys... we can only tell on monday. let's just hope all goes well coz coach won't be there. girls will be playing before guys, so hopefully it will serve as some sort of motivation. gotta twist it arnd lah. but then again i think i'm going to miss playing vball when the whole season is over. like germaine said... coming to school just for study sucks... so totally agree. school can't be just for studies lah... but it seems like at the end of it all, that's all the MOE uses it for. coz right at the end it's just A levels.

oh yeah thanks to xin, neo, gc and shaun for the cool OP shirt and the book. quite an interesting book. even though i've only read the 1st 5 pages :p but the shirt really looks damn cool, but if it gets dirty i'll be damn sad sia.

was watching "the incredibles" this afternoon over lunch. and something that edna (u know the little funny lady that makes the suits) said kinda struck me. "i don't look back darling it distracts me from the now". don't look back... distracts from the now. hmmm... something to ponder over...

ok i just remembered we owe fernandez a 1000 word essay on monday. knn!!! here we go again... a weekend simply isn't a weekend anymore.

what's done is done...

oh well...

hah yesterday my birthday... feel the same now that i'm "18" leh hahaha not much difference, just that on record i'm now legal to do more things :p thx for all the sms msgs... and the little cake tt shufang bought for me, and the damn cool bag that the class got for me. from the moment i saw it i knew it would cost at least 100 bucks lah. i mean... since when is anything with the letters T.A.T.O.N.K.A on it worth less than hundred bucks eh? but i mean the bag is like... too big to bring to school... and too nice to bring camping... so how? hahaha but i guess it can be used on training days so that i don't have to bring a shoe bag around with me, since it has lots of, and i mean LOTS of space. but... bringing a 100+ dollar bag to school? doesn't sound quite right to me... in fact it sounds off (no offence you guys, and gals)

vball against ny... don't need to say lah. just felt that we could've done better. even though we would still have lost, but we still could've done better. 1st set right at the beginning it was going quite well, apparently we were leading them 5-1 at one point of time!!! i didn't know that till today, coz i wasn't looking at the score. but yah tt's a shocker. but after a while somehow dennis got a bit ruffled, a bit distracted. by what? i think i know lah... but didn't expect him to get so distracted so early on in the game. in the end really kenna whallop lah. did manage to get a couple of spikes in lah, but still not that good. after that stayed back to watch vj vs sa girls match. vj beat sa sia... unbelievable. our girls really gotta work hard liaoz. their spikes are really woah... probably can beat us guys flat as well :p after that went back to school to train somemore. just free spiked all the way. tried out some thunders... getting there lah. maybe training tmr or friday can try with simon during gameplay lah. see how it works. if can i'll definitely take a risk and try out against rj. my normal spikes... still cannnnn make it lah. but can only. i need to whack the friggin ball harder lah!!! and in order to do that... I NEED TO JUMP HIGHER!!! ARGH!!! @#$*@#!@*$&#!&^!&#$!#^#!$ HIGHER HIGHER HIGHER!!! feel so weak suddenly. after tt went to see doctor... got 4 types of medicine. gotta get well by monday sia so that i can be fully fit.

today... girls beat yj. it was kinda scary at first. had to go to rubber set to win. 2-1 in the end. something really bad happened to wendy's shoulder. it's definitely not dislocated. just hope it's nothing to do with the bone. coz it looked really bad. i mean not bruised, but she just couldn't really lift up her arm tt's all. hope she's ok. got trg tmr and match on friday. friday they're playing vj... really worried for them. watched the rj vs ny guys match today. ny... as scary as yesterday hahaha rj... they've got threats. 1 is a damn good open spiker. 10 is good centre spiker... 9 can jump damn high, so yeah we're in for a tough time. if dennis keeps up his momentum and energy... and the rest of us play like we did for the beginning of our ny match... we'll be ok. cannot be scared of attacking anymore. and if our blocking can maintain... we've got it in the bag.

tmr got trg. good! i'm looking forward to it! tmr got school and lessons. haiz... not so looking forward to it. but oh well... can only have trg if we have school and lessons 1st. can't get everything u want eh... some things are just dreams, part of your fantasies. jump jump JUMP!!!

what's done is done...

had a bad day again...

today was really quite a screwed up day. the only "fun" i had was during the 1st period, where we played the age old game of protecting the egg so that when we dropped it it wouldn't break. so when kwee said that we could use anything we wanted, we just wrapped it up in straws, a towel, cheryl's pullover, and shufang's jacket. no way it could've broke lah, unless u sent a bulldozer over it. but anywayz after that things got really sianz...

GP lecture was the ultimate boredom of boredom. mr kwan is like a bloody robot lah. seriously. reminds me of a funny definition neo sent me a while ago.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either

if u agree with this "definition", drop a tag hahaha i'd like to know who agrees :p then GP lesson. kenna blasted by fernandez again. ate into our break. had 15 minutes left. got to the canteen and saw ms smith for vball stuff. ball rang. bought 2 burgers and ran up. wanted to eat in class, then kwee told us to eat outside. so we went outside. then ho came. had to run into class. he got his class wrong again. so i just finished my 2nd burger in class. really squashed it into my mouth. think kwee didn't kaobei so much coz at least i was taking notes while munching on it. sitting in the middle isn't very good for me, coz when i get damn sian of the lesson i'll start opening my mouth trying to "speed it up". but tt's my nature.

then maths came. everyone sian diao. myself included, coz ho pms again. as unreasonable as ever. kb here kb there. lucky only 1 period. physics, not so bad. AC tutorial was pretty easy to do, coz most of it was the same as sec 4 work, so no probz there. but still felt damn sian lah. then after tt got gp remedial. ran arnd getting the vball form filled. came back, fernandez not here yet. so just wait loh... then finally she came. kb a bit again, but not as bad as the 1st round. i think she too tired to kb also lah. anyway luckily it was a short remedial. again i tried to "speed things up". damn it sitting in the middle has it's pros and cons. some pretty significant pros, and i think the cons are more... deadly? dunno lah too tired to find words to use liaoz.

long day tomorrow. hope tomorrow will be a better day, coz today was just a bad day for everyone. as koon so adequately put it... "if u're happy and you know it clap your hands..."

what's done is done...

i just needed to rest...

down with sore throat and cough over the past few days. fell sick on monday, and on tuesday morning i was already spitting out green blobs of phlagm. sick man... anyway tt's the reason why i haven't been blogging much. all i needed was more rest lah... and sleeping at 10+ on both days did help a bit i guess, but i still need more sleep. but now... i gotta do np docs... wahhhhhh!!!

what's done is done...

R & R...

just had a 4.5 hour nap. feels good. but i could've slept more. maybe even till tomorrow morning!!! but obviously that never happens in this household. 2 matches in 3 days is really damn tiring. PE and volleyball both 3 times this week, and my legs still hurt from monday's jumping. tuesday didn't really help either... really physically shagged out. and meeting last night didn't really help either.

so... what really happened yesterday that topped off my wonderful week. got new timetable. latest day is 2.30. which is both good and bad. good coz i got more time to revise... bad coz friday is now my longest day which totally suckssssss hahaha got 3 1.30 days, which is really love... so early i won't know what to do when i get home man :p but then again... study study study.

next wednesday gotta do a very impromptu thingy for mrs lau at assembly, which involves us bringing full u... should be ok lah, but there's no way in hell i'm going to use the SAF sword. even the drill cane good enough liao lah... but it should be ok anywayz, doesn't sound so hard.

vball... had friendly against PJ. was quite horrible yesterday lah. cannot even receive 1st ball properly. did manage a few good blocks though, but everything else sucked to the core. felt damn sucky... wednesday was so much better than yesterday. but the girls won pj... who were 4th placed last year. maybe it means they can get top 3 this year!!! wah go girls!!! hahaha guys ah... we'll do our best... that's all we can ask for.

after tt chiong for meeting at serene that i will always be later for... except after tournament maybe. anywayz i'm now coordinator for sec 3 atc this year. natural progression? hahaha after doing log for both ATCs last year. brendan is vice-coord for sec 2 ATC... we're in "high demand" man :p ahhh utter crap.

i just realised i'm kinda high after my nap. but i can sleep somemore!!! oh yes how can i forget this morning's ptm. had to wake up at 7.30 for it. stupid crap... anywayz yet again my mum did more talking than mr kwee. asked a whole lot of qns. but i guess she just wanna find out how to help me lah. and now it looks like i'm going to look for an econs tutor. but i don't know anyone in class who take econs tuition leh... i know people who take physics and maths tuition... but no one who take econs tuition. oh well gotta ask arnd. and now my mum knows i end earlier than last term, so i'm expected to do more work then. but at least kwee said my performance in class since beginning of term improved over last term, and my discipline and attitude in class is good, so yeah at least i made my mum happy in ONE way. one is better than none aye...

what's done is done...