HERE I GO!!!

oh well 2 months of planning will come to fruition tomorrow. i'm off to ubin, back on friday afternoon. soak up the pressure and thrive in it, and you will come out a better man. carpe diem!

what's done is done...

wtf sia...

this isn't exactly easy, but i guess i have slacked in some departments, and as a result have ended up in this situation. probably written this here a thousand times before, but i can't help but reiterate the fact that i'm not as efficient and "powerful" as i used to be. my own standards have dropped, so have my expectations of myself.

but then again, your officer telling you things that are necessary 2 days before the camp, when he could have done it 2 weeks ago, isn't very helpful either.

this can be pulled through. by the end of the week it will all be over. chiong sua!!!

what's done is done...

stoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

feel so stone. 2 meetings in 2 days. camp in 3 days. end of 5.5 years in npcc in 6 days. feel so stoned. i need to mug. but can't seem to start. since beginning of the year haven't been able to mug. actually since promos ended. damn sad lah. hopefully i can finally get my head down when all my worries are out. no more npcc, no more volleyball. just... studies. and of course must maintain friendships. but tt's like 2 less big things to worry about. arh mug tai mug mug MUG!!!

what's done is done...

that was a waste...

3 days away from school, and what have i accomplished? well besides the extra sleep and npcc stuff and vball training... zero school work. only now i'm doing some maths. tmr, wednesday and friday all got np stuff to do after school. next week got 3 days of camp at ubin, and it'll all be over. until AP comes of course. shall see what happens for that one. maybe i'll get it, maybe i won't, but now i'm hoping i do. we shall see... that should be an interesting one =D at least all the action should start after midyears, so not that bad.

feel so sian at home nowadays. much rather go out. last time... it was the other way round. just wanted to come home and slack in front of the tv or computer. but now i just wanna go out and play pool... watch a movie... sit arnd and stone with friends... and just not think. maybe nowadays got too many things on my mind... or maybe there's not enough things on my mind. hmmm... ok my brain feels clogged. happy vesak day.

what's done is done...

start of the weekend...

had sports carnival ytd at ccab. going back to the sports hall was... well sad in a way. all i could do was imagine what could have been. oh well... i think i saw pauline there, with her hockey team, but doubt she saw me, even though i had my surname printed in ultra big letters on the back of my shirt hahaha

anywayz we did really well for sports day. 1st for 2.4 challenge and eco challenge. 2nd for 400 girls and 800 guys, and 3rd for 4x400 guys. manyun ran REAAAAALLY well for 4x400 girls. they were last after just the 1st round, and manyun overtook all of them till we were in 2nd!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! but in the end we only came in 4th. netball... 1st match 15-0. that joshua scored like 10 pts? too much bball hahaha 2nd match lost 5-2. so that one out. floorball... sad lah. only played 1 half, but wanted to play more. it's a tiring game, but it's fun lah. great way to improve your stamina hahaha. anywayz we were out of that one in the end, so we only came in 2nd overall for sports carnival this year. same as last year :p after the whole thing stayed back in the sports hall and took a hell lot of photos. really really ALOT of photos hahaha we all had our class jersey on, so it was really damn cool. red and gold, and if i had my sji shorts on, i'd be a christmas tree! ok out of point...

after tt went to holland v. ate at thai express. mr kwee treated us, again. end of year we really gotta treat him to something man. treat us to so many meals already, cost a hell lot lah. oh well we did have alot of fun in the restaurant. continuing to take a hell lot of photos and make a hell lot of noise. koon kinda broke the bench, but he put it back again hahaha just as well our shirts didn't have the letters CJC anywhere on it :p just all our nicknames, and in my case our surnames. but hey, they made money from us, so no way they could've chased us out hahaha

after tt they'll came my house. play bball cum netball, get high on slam dunking on with ultra short net :p bully derek (nothing new) played badminton. played piano. play this play tt... play play play hahaha maybe now u'll know why i can't study very well at home hahaha

this morning went to school for volley trg. wah it was hot hot hot. my face is all black again =X somehow nowadays i feel kinda extra at trg, mainly coz i'm not taking part in competition, but still squeeze into trainings anyway. oh well, only 2 more trainings to go. can't go for the wednesday one, so that makes it... one? yeah one. one more official training as a cj vball team member. the fewer things i'm part of, the nearer i am to the As. after june the 3rd i'll be out of npcc, after 5.5 years of it. tt'd be a good time to reflect, on 5.5 years of my life gone by. 5.5 years that most probably shaped the person i am now, and the person i will be. another chapter is closing.

what's done is done...

random thoughts...

one day, let's just say, if WWIII were to really come, would you want to take part in it? let's say that singapore is somehow directly involved in WWIII, would you actually take up arms and fight for your livlihood and homeland? for me, i would say yes. unless of course if the war were to come when i'm above 50 or something lah hahaha i mean the only reason why WWIII hasn't really started is probably because of memories of the past 2 world wars that have deep impressions on many peoples minds. i guess in a way that's good, coz this way the 3rd one will never come! ;) unless of course you reach a stage where like in the movie the matrix or terminator, robots attempt to take over the earth lah, then tt's be just... total madness. ah well... just hope whatever i say doesn't come true. i'm feeling hungry... where's my ruffles???

what's done is done...

GYMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

went gym today during our free PE period. wah never go gym like this for so long man. trained everything man. ok lah not everything. trained mainly for pullup and broad jump. did some situps as well. right at the end did squats with 80kg. wah hiong man hahaha but felt good. jumped a few times just to see. 1st one arnd 251, then like 254... then 3rd one 256!!! WOOHOO!!! hahaha so left 4cm to 260!!! MUAHAHAHAHA just 4... only 4. sadly next monday no school, so won't have this hour to go gym. maybe thursday after school can go, since we end rather early. see how lah. but cj gym is quite good lah. i mean... it's more or less free, and the equipment is really not bad. very nice variety of equipment. and got aircon too!!! hahaha except the funny smell when u 1st get in lah, but it's ok after a while. but gym is also good cause, u don't sweat as much, but u feel really worked out after tt hahaha like swimming, but swimming u do feel a bit our of breath lah, but u can't feel the sweat at all :p

oh yeah and congrats to cheryl... she can do 1 and 7/8 pullups!!! WAHAHAHAHA she's joined the ranks of the few manly girls who can do pullups :p 1st girl in class, so she's the manliest girl in our class? :x rite...

what's done is done...

that wasn't so bad...

recce today was... good! hahaha felt quite good at the end of it. at least i felt better lah. even though some problems still loom, but i think it should be ok lah. i think... but at least i'm more confident about the camp now :) oh yeah and there's something about the mosquitoes on ubin... really. at bermuda triangle we were swarmed by them lah! and i mean... swarmed! hahaha i could kill like 2 at a time. and not just once... 3 times!!! we were like the terminators or something. and lucky i wore track pants, otherwise my legs sure kenna also. poor yanru's legs really kenna "invasion" liaoz. spots all over. she wear skirt to school tmr quite jialat sia :p

right at the end of recce... got a msg from my OC saying that he changed his name. HE CHANGED HIS NAME!!! and how old is he now? late 30s?!?!? so odd man. at 1st i thought it was some joke, then i replied him, and he said he informed HQ already. so i was like... wtf!?!?!?!?! HE CHANGED HIS NAME?!?!!??! =X to the power of infinity! HE CHANGED HIS FRIGGIN' NAME!!! ok lah i've heard of people changing their name before. but he's in late 30s already lah, must be something quite serious that made him change it. i doubt it's coz he's completely out of his mind, or he was utterly bored. although he does seem like the kind of person who can have weird ideas at times, so oh well hahaha damn it arms are starting to itch again. need to shower AGAIN! sianzzz...

so many tests this week, never study yet. fail already lah. forgot everything. die already lah.

what's done is done...

could there be worst timing???

4 tests this week... and recce tomorrow, and had a long meeting today. so effectively this weekend i doubt i can do much work. oh well... life's like that.

june camp. bad. bad. bad. so last minute. camp oic only known yesterday, camp in 2 weeks. lesson plans still being changed. as such g & t and log list cannot be confirmed. circular not sent out yet. still sourcing for some manpower. haiz... so much shit to do, and my mum is pushing me to start chionging already. just peachy...

must pull through this man. pull as hard as i can. even harder than i pull for pullups! ok lame... wanna go gym on monday, hopefully i don't feel too lazy like last week hahaha

what's done is done...

i deserve this...

i'm such a bloody bastard. i deserve to be burnt. hours of vball under the scorching hot sun today and my face is burnt. i deserve it. burnt... and self-destructive. i'm shocked i even managed to write a 4.5 page long essay today within 1.5 hours.

what's done is done...

this is messed up...

yesterday went with tini, derek and koon to toa payoh stadium to watch vball finals. even though we got there at like 3.20, the girls' match was still going on!!! from like what time... 1.45? JJ vs. NY girls. fought all the way to the end man. and in the end JJ won!!! alot of people expected NY to win i guess, so the underdogs won in this case? i don't know... can't really tell since we only watched like the last 5 points or something. but the atmosphere was really cool. the whole spectator area was filled with JJ and NY students. half each, all screaming their heads off. was actually quite stunned by the atmosphere. maybe coz i've never been to a sports meet final before. except in sec 3 when we went to national stadium to cheer sji track team on lah. but a sports hall is so much more contained, so the noise just reverberated off everything in the way hahaha really electrifying stuff. after the girls match was the guys match. TJ vs NY. NY really expected to win this one lah. with people like hari in their team... how to lose hahaha and they've all got skill lah, just that hari secured most of the points for them in the end :p so NY won 3-0 in the end, even though TJ did put up a strong fight in the 2nd set. 25-16, 25-20, 16/17-25. not too sure about the last score, but it's around there lah. but the way NY play... really damn cool lah. if i could play like even half their standard, i'd be happy hahaha but TJ defence really good, even though i did pity no. 7 coz he was standing where hari always aims hahaha sad boy. rushed off before the crowds starting swarming out. thanks for the idea koon

anywayz yesterday during econs lecture, was somehow talking to koon about how sad life was, and death. how morbid. anyway somehow we, or rather i, came to the conclusion through that discussion that, almost everything u do in life will make u sad. even though u might not want it to, but you will feel sad at some point or another while carrying out that "whatever-it-is". then today koon said during maths lecture, that if you smile at someone, that person is more or less bound to smile back at you, and that will make the day seem cheerier. then u know, in pure koon fashion, he did it a few times. and it works! hahaha so if you feel reaaaaally down, just take the time to smile at the person next to you or something, you might just feel better. but of course guys... don't go smiling at the girl next to you too often, u might just get weird stares in return yeah? hahaha keep the smiles down. or at least if u really need to smile, no uhhh... cheeky eyes or facial expressions yah? ;)

when i got home... well it wasn't so wonderful suddenly. i'm sorry i had to break your heart and hopes. but this had gone further than i really wanted it too, and there was no way that it could've worked out anyway. better to end it now... then further down the road when u're probably deeper into it. should've stopped it right from the start, but i was too weak to say no i guess. seems i now have the tendency to want someone to be there... darn it :( and the friendster thingie don't help either!!! seems like those 4 years were important indeed, need to learn fast tai... really really fast.

wish that i could cry, fall upon my knees... even heroes have the right to bleed~

what's done is done...

am i even cut out for this shit???

after 5.5 years of it... i'm feeling sian. maybe coz i've realised that this system is within the system that i'm so irritated with already. and on top of that, this system ain't working too well either. somehow no big system i'm involved in is really working well. what a sad realisation. but yet, i still have to serve these 3 systems. why? coz i signed up for 2, and these 2 are a small part of the 3rd one, so no choice if u're in 2, u're in the 3rd one as well.

nearly got grounded yesterday coz was playing pool with josh, many and tini till abt 10. then it's like... wth man i'm already as good as grounded. then i was thinking, that if i was really grounded, it's not as if i can't go out of the house wat. i think i'm the kind of person where, the more u try to restrict me, the more i'll try to break free and do whatever i wanna do, just to piss you off even more. coz i really hate the feeling of people restricting what i can do, especially if i really want to do that thing. the more i wanna do it, the worst it gets if u keep telling me i can't do it. i hate that feeling...

got me new phone. needs some adjusting, since it's a long way from my 8250. gonna save that phone for camps and NS, since can't bring in camera phones to the wonderful tekong. even the msging is so different lah... needs some adjusting. i just hope that 4 way button in the middle doesn't break hahaha coz i realise i tend to push it pretty hard :p easy tai easy... it's a new phone.

another week of school... another week closer to exams... another week gone in my life.

what's done is done...

i don't think soooooooooo...

what am i doing up so late? i have no idea... i actually feel like playing Rome :x
what am i trying to prove to myself? to those around me? this ain't no popularity contest...
what am i supposed to do? achieve the goal and lose friends? are they even friends in the 1st place? this thing seems so fake...
am i in a right state of mind? i don't really think so considering it's 4 am in the morning...

what's done is done...

woah tt was fast...

life's been kinda twisty lately... u know like twisties... ok nvm. i think i'm beginning to get used to life this way. in a way that may be bad actually. hmmm... maybe coz i'm beginning to find certain avenues to release my stress on. today it was shufang's powder. last week it was shufang's ruler. the week before that it was shufang's green friendship band. see that's wat happens if u sit next to me, and have a whole load of random junk on your table. i just grab it to keep my hands occupied. today i really squeezed her powder bottle. now it's not exactly "round" anymore, if u get what i mean. sitting next to me has it's pros and cons ;)

went vball trg yesterday, and actually got some real volley in. rusty sia hahaha but hey... i can still spike ;) realised i actually hit the ball harder now. could it be because of how i'm feeling? hmmm... yeah maybe. didn't get to play badminton and swing my racket at a miserable shuttlecock on wednesday either, coz the hall was filled with chairs, and the extention was filled up with the band instruments and stuff. for their rehearsals lah. anywayz hope their SYF went well today. with people like vig inside... should be ok lah hahaha

hmmm what else is up... can't really seem to remember actually. brain beginning to shut down for the day :p oh yeah back to sji tomorrow for np trg, for the 1st time in dunno how many gazillion years. haiz life is so sianz... everyone in class seems so sian, which makes sense i guess hahaha

not too happy with the way this thing is turning out. then again i guess i'm pushing too hard, that i've pushed you away. do i like the way this is going? no. can i stop myself? not really. why? coz everytime i forget... you suddenly appear in front of my face again. YAMAN!!!

somehow michael jackson suddenly has the same soothing effect as linkin park hahaha

what's done is done...

Your #1 Match: ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

Your Birthdate: April 11

Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist. You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force. There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too. You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental. Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world. You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

right...

what's done is done...