first visit to an old folks' home in... more than 6 years!!!

that's a really long time. the last time i can really remember going was before primary 5 :p anywayz... woke up at 11 today, which was a good 10 hours sleep. and it felt damn good!!! but i think i still need more... got a hell lot of physics to catch up on!!!

met up at boon lay bus interchange to visit st. joseph's home as part of CIP with CJC. only 13/27 people went. but i guess it's ok coz if the residents at the home saw so many young people, and the amount of noise we could have made, they might just have gotten a heart attack!! hahaha...

first watched a video about the home and stuff, then we were showed the facilities at the home. the chapel there is bigger than the one at SJI, but i still think the one at SJI is nicer. quite a big land space, and very well kept... nice homey feeling. only problem is if it rained, the corridors would get wet really easily. anywayz after that helped out the old folks in some exercises. mainly hand-eye and hand-hand coordination stuff. after that just pushed them to the dining area, and after helping a couple of them move from table to table, we left. it seemed like a really short visit. but if i'm not wrong, we're going back there 3 more times within this month.

on the way back to boon lay MRT at the bus interchange, met ding hao selling flags for singapore children's society!! hahaha he still looks the same even though he was in his SA uniform. poor guy had been selling for 2++ hours, and he looked kinda... sian :p

after that some people left for shawn's birthday BBQ at east coast park. me? i came home to do some R & R. still got alot of rest to catch up with. and like i mentioned earlier, alot of work too. decided that for the first time in my entire life, i shall do well for mid-years!!! probably the main motivation is that 20% will be counted towards our promos :p looks like it's working! main thing scaring me the most now is GP. physics not so bad because i can at least study and improve... but GP, a bit hard to study lah. O level english is nothing compared to GP. i'd rather get a B4 or C5 for english and do damn well in GP, than get straight A1s for english and fail GP. crappy stuff. really got to change my writing style... what seemed to work at O level is obviously not working here. and comprehension? don't even talk about it... feel like blasting something!

haiz i suddenly felt confused again today... just walked looking at the ground immediately in front of my feet all the way from buona vista MRT to my house, with linkin park in my ears. find that walking that distance is a very good way to think... or just stone. can't seem to get over it... even though i think it's best that i do. Cheers.

am i regretting my life???

this is a story that xin forwarded to me... take the time to read it, as i feel that is has much meaning behind it.

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The Staircase of Life

There were once 2 brothers who lived on the 80th level. On coming home one day, they realized to their dismay that the lifts were not working and that they had to climb the stairs home. After struggling to the 20th level, panting and tired, they decided to abandon their bags and come back for them the next day. They left their bags then and climbed on. When they had struggled to the 40th level the younger brother started to grumble and both of them began to quarrel. They continued to climb the flights of steps, quarreling all the way to the 60th floor. They then realized that they had only 20 levels more to climb and decided to stop quarreling and continue climbing in peace. They silently climbed on and reached their home at long last. Each stood calmly before the door and waited for the other to open it. It was then that they realized that the key was in their bags which were left on the 20th floor!

That story is an analogy of how most people live their lives. We burden our childhood with the expectations of others, and live out our teenaged years doing what others think we should be doing. We carry these expectations until we can no longer believe in their worth.

By the time we reach our 20s, we are sick of this load and finally dump it. Finally free from the pressure of having to live our lives for others, we work enthusiastically and begin to build that castle of gold we aspire towards by laying the first few bars.

But by the time we reach our 40s, we find that we've become disillusioned with our dreams and aspirations. Discontentment sets in, and we begin to gripe, complain, and criticize. Our belief that life is miserable is so strong that we have effectively shut out the things which would have made life meaningful and joyous.

Upon reaching our 60s, we've grown weary of whining, and finally decide to live the rest of our lives in peace and resignation. We manage to deceive ourselves into thinking that at this point, nothing in this world can faze or disappoint us.

But as we lie there in our beds, waiting for the journey to finally come to an end, we tragically realize that we're unable to leave this earth in peace because we had so many unfulfilled dreams. The dreams that we cast away, along with the burden of expectations so many years ago.

So whichever level of the Staircase of Life you're presently at, take a long, hard look at the life you've lived so far.

Did you waste a good part of it seeking the approval of others?
Did you abandon your dreams because they didn't match the expectations of others?
Did you squander a large part of your life bearing grudges, making invisible enemies, and complaining about the terrible state of your life?
Did you dismiss your youthful aspirations by thinking that you're much too old to pursue them any longer?

Always remember to carry your dreams with you every step of the way.
Do not end up with a bag of regrets.
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memories... distant and recent ones...

was talking to xin about some stuff in SJI. we were both there on friday, but that bugger didn't come to find me lah... basket. too busy spending time in the office enjoying air-con!!! hahaha... anyway it turns out SJI is having that evacuation drill this friday... last time they had that was when i was in sec 3, fire engines, smoke simulations, SJAB and teachers running around transporting "casualties". best part of that was... the teachers taking our attendance in the field, were all carrying umbrellas!!! and you have to wonder where they would have time to grab umbrellas if there's a real fire :p but just standing there, watching them wearing their big hats and umbrellas was a good relief from the heat i must say.

a few things i remembered when i was back at SJI on friday. took a walk to the handball court, just to visualise a captain's ball game there. anyway at one point just stood there, remembering all our slack PE lessons. handball, hockey, touch rugby, soccer competition and stuff. walked around the handball court for like 5 minutes, just visualising, then moved on to the pullup bars. my nightmare for most of my sji career! :p anyway tried out my "new found abilities" on the bars there, and WAHAHAHAHAHA felt damn good :p

thinking back on the little times that we spent together, i guess it was all fun. so thanks for those times, made the transition all the bit better. but i guess situation changes, and time to move on. so have fun yah? :)

PE in the morning was... fun let's say. medicine balls in the hall. throwing them around as if we didn't have anything better to do. oh wait... we DID have nothing better to do :p after all it was PE... and the hall was stuffy as ever, even with the fans on!

volleyball trials was cancelled, due to the incessant rain. but nevertheless we played in the rain. me, derek, freddy, pamela and cindy. quite pleased with my improvement. can control the ball alot better now!!! after like 2 hours of constant digging, played a little "match". but this match was just practising on court movement and stuff lah. service is ok i guess, whereas spiking... can be improved lah duh even though i managed to spike one good one. nice *piak* sound!! hahaha... trials now postponed to monday, friday and saturday intend to train with my class people... hopefully it all works out.

i need to sleep, yet i've got quite alot of stuff to do. maths homework, physics homework, npcc work, tuition work, wonder where sleep fits in with all that stuff. now CSI is showing, really want to watch that show... best series on TV 2nd only to F.R.I.E.N.D.S. if u ask me, but i guess things like that aren't necessarily as important as work. work work work, my life until December next year. hopefully can squeeze some other things in between there, but one never knows. Cheers.

beginning of DIY...

ran 2.4 this morning before school started. and i think i run faster in the morning than during PE lessons. maybe because my muscles are still "fresh", or simply because the weather is cooler. oh well whatever it is shall have to time myself in the morning one of these days. anywayz the track was rather crowded this morning. reached there at about 6.45, and there was so many people (or at least when compared to other mornings where i've run) saw ian running on the track so just joined him. crazy bugger had already run 7 rounds, and was going for 8 MORE!!! crazy person his knees are going to give way soon... anywayz on my end of my 4th lap, brenz joined me. cool reebok shirt he was wearing man... but colour combi with the sji shorts just made it look a bit weird hahaha!! decided to run on tuesdays and thursdays. with PE on monday and wednesday, and rest day on friday for saturday's npcc training activities.

monday's volleyball training was fun!!! we got pamela (this really short senior who derek and i stressed out on my 1st training), but this time was with brendan, bernard, alvin and derek. she kept laughing, i tell u i won't be surprised if she forms 8 pegs!!! :p after a while simon joined us and played continuous digging with us. pity him lah he must run so much :p tomorrow is trials, hopefully i can get in, otherwise i'll be officially school-based-CCA-less again... got npcc to count on, but that won't give me much, so gotta get one more CCA. really don't know what i'll join if i don't get into volleyball. :( so in other words... die die also must get into volleyball. Cheers!

cold war, the beginning of the end?

never said a single word today. no hi and bye for 3 weeks... become ordinary already. i want to end this feeling, but can't lah. want to say sorry, but don't know what to say sorry for also because there's no way i can find out. miss talking to you... haiz this situation has taken it's toll on me.